[Take a deep breath and continue with your reading of the concluding part of the interview with fantastic replies and real queries...]
What puts bread on your plate?
The hand that ‘jams’ it; before the first bite, it is my wife’s hand. After the first bite, it is again the wife’s hand. She eats from my plate…
You are a foreigner. I heard you reading a chapter (out of 18) from your book. I am an Indian. Your book, which is about your (a foreigner) experiences in India and its foreigners, is similar in content and style to a book about an Indian’s experience with other Indians living in a foreign land. If you are still with me, what do you think is the difference between the two situations?
Apart from the Weather and Tea, not much difference. Whether one likes it or not, I guess, one has to admit that dumb-heads are country independent…
Have you gone around India?
I tried to. I found that India is surrounded on two to two and half sides by land below sea level, the third to third and half side by guys who don’t like you much and so don’t leave you alone, and on the fourth side, there is still a question of whether there is a fourth side and if so, where it ends. India, it seems, is a finite surface with an infinite boundary. I gave up…
Is this a travel book on India?
No it is an Indian book on Travel.
What is your impression about India?
Great country with rich culture packaged in multi-colored poor people. Just like its population, the society is billion layered. Has a glorious past and will retain it forever as everybody here is diligently working towards it.
Do you think foreign people who come to India in search of spiritualism actually find it?
Not always. Most of them have lost it in a different spot in the first place.
How long do you plan to stay in India?
Not until my English Son disappears into the Indian Night…
What is your Sun sign?
I can’t answer that question. I am a Gemini and Geminians don’t believe in Astrology.
Do you read?
Yes, mostly lips.
Do you read Indian authors?
No. Only lips
Are they any good?
I guess it is a matter of taste
Who is your favorite author? Why?
G. Sezcry Est. Because he writes on water and walks on plain sand
Do you copy your favorite authors?
I tried to, but the Xerox machine broke under the author’s weight. I guess Modern Technology is powerless under the weight of the Mighty Pen.
How often do you copy?
Once the original is ready with me, I start copying from it endlessly.
Do you always sip your coffee?
No. Sometimes I throw it up and wait until it turbulently embraces my uplifted face. On other occasions, to avoid creating a scene, I throw it up even before it enters my mouth.
Why don’t you wear a belt around your waist?
Actually I do. Above it I wear my pants.
Just then the audience started disappearing along with the chairs and stools they sat on, as the Threat of Actually Buying the Book by the First-time Author loomed large. More importantly, the rain outside had stopped…
[There ends the fantastic interview with real questions. The actual event was much more hilarious. In a post-event dinner, the first-time author just laughed when I joked to ease his trauma by saying he should have kept himself busy hunting Toad in his Land of Beatles. I haven't heard from him since and I hate to be taken literally in this wonderful world.]
